Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Phone call of a frustrated software engineer - ;-)

A software engineer  calls  his friend

Hello,
plss.. talk to me... y u r not picking up the call ?????"

Friend:  "everything is alright?"

"wat alright.. noting is alright.. see the time.. its 11pm.. n I m coming now from office..no food for me today also.. now I will cook...
From the past 3 days..I m eating only maggie... n my PM eating only me..see the price hikes, everything is 2/- more frm yesterday.. except my salary...I think the begger in front of my office.. earns more than me.. wat shud I do..."

"wat happened.. wat r u talking"

"wat i m talking???? no, I m not talking.. Manager dont allow anyone to talk except the client.. who always talks something.. from past 3 months i didnt take any leave..now from 3 weeks.. i m just begging for one dam leave.. n wat response i got....'why u want to waste an important day of ur life??'

i now finalize one more time... yes..i m gonna quit.. this project...but, i cant. no, i can.. but i wont..uh..."

"ok.. now Relax..."

"How can i relax... for relaxation ppl do yoga, but its night so i cant, then else they watch movies... but see, in every channel all bogus movies r repeating, same.. 'Welcome', 'Suryavansham',Govinda's movies...it really irritates... everyone is faking in TV, fake news, fake stories, fake swaynwars, fake reality...ah see the movies u will get to know... In "Rock-on" last scene... Arjun Rampal's wife says to taxi driver, that "hurry up, we r going late for Airport..." Airport...??? I dont understand, how can  thought he find a job in Cruze.. not Airlines..

In 3 Idiots... starting scene... Madhvan does the drama to leave his flight, then what happened to his luggage??
In same movie... Kareena is a doctor.. that too a surgeon.. to bcame a surgeon.. It requires atlest 5[MBBS]+3[MS] years.. so she shud be 28... n Aamir as a student.. only 18 or 20 ?? then after 10 years they decide to marry.. means she is 38 ??
I dont understand, how can spiderman reach to the church-bell in part-3, when he lost all his power ??
I dont understand, how Balakrishna can send a train back just by Hitting his thighs, when I cant ??
I still dont understand how could Rajnikanth fly without wings ?? i just dont....."

"hey stop it now.."

"am I a train who will stop it, by pulling chain... ohh train.. I dont understand, how can I didnt   see one in last 3 months... how will i see ? All the time monitor is in front of me.. in night also wen I open my eyes, I find my username and password window.. I need to cool down..

10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1

but someone tell me howw.. everytime there is a powercut here.. except wen i m not in home.. home, wat rubbish,its a dam single room..where i m living alone with my pillow..


I also want girlfriend yaar, like my rivals have..
smita, rashmi, priti, sruti, madhu.. anyone frm my odc is ok, but they all r engaged, u know y ?
Bcoz their boyfriends do not work in IT companies, outside girls do have chat wid me but only on my salary day..
I got rejected 31 times.. u know y ?? each time I propose them, they ask where do u live..
I say in my Cubicle.. Bcoz thats the only place u can find my soul all the time.."

"hey man, u better take rest, we will talk in Morning"

" Morning.. are u talking the same morning.. Sun rises, bird flies, poori fries, employee cries... dam , i didnt see the Sun,from 3 years.. how it looks like... every morning I catching shuttle, reaching my birthplace 'cubicle' working n working n leaving when Sun uncle is not there... i will hit my room-owner some days, every morning he used to cry for increasing room rent, I will always tell him to go n meet my Manager... I dont understnd how can i be so nice to my colleagues..  Each time they want leave, they repeat the same old dialogue... "my sister's marriage".. my colleague's 9 sisters got married,
3 times grandpa expired,
5 times frnd went to ICU.. but my colleague is fine..
and his favorite dialog "i need to drop a frnd to hospital, as he is not feeling well" later i find movie tickets in his purse... then my pm's motivational speech.. 'u will work.. u will grow'.. means if i wont work.. i will shrink or what...
when I need hike, I m junior.. still need to grow.. when I do mistakes.. comon man u r senior now, u can not do mistakes.. ahhh God gimme some power to understand the greatness of a super natural person known as PM in this world.."

"ok enough now, i m disconnecting"

"wait.. i called you.. n u r disconnecting.. u know previously i was normal, when i was in college, i used to talk continuosly watever i want, now i m talking only this much... 'yaa its done', 'that work is completed', 'Please..', 'Good Morning','Lunch','Tea','Snacks'..

I dont know wat i m talking abt, i shud b happy.. i have saturday n sunday.. Saturday to recover from the disaster been made from monday to friday..
Sunday to think about upcoming disaster from monday to friday.. cool naa..

you heard that in 2012 earth will end.. then also my ODC and my cubicle will remain as it is.. u know why ??
because that's not a part of earth.. n we employees are not human beings... we are aliens, so better before u start getting headache... go have a nice dream.. me, I will again start my day tomorrow like I m starting everyday..
good night..."

beeeeeeeeep...beeeeeeeeeep...beeeeeeeeeep
**********************************************************

Next Day, in office:-

Manager: "Dude, Please come here"

"Yes sir.....!!"

M: "I approved your leaves.. i think you should go and have some fun"

I happily came out, and checked my phone Dialled calls..

"Ohhh my God, yesterday I called my PM instead of my friend...
Shiit "  

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Corporate Language !!!!

"We will do it" means
" You will do it"

"You have done a great job" means
"More work to be given to you"

"We are working on it" means
"We have not yet started working on the same"

"Tomorrow first thing in the morning" means
"Its not getting done... At least not tomorrow !".

"After discussion we will decide - I am very open to views" means
"I have already decided, I will tell you what to do"

"There was a slight mis-communication" means
"We had actually lied"

"Lets call a meeting and discuss" means
"I have no time now, will talk later"

"We can always do it" means
"We actually cannot do the same on time"

"We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension of the deadline" means
"The project is screwed up, we cannot deliver on time."

"We had slight differences of opinion" means
"We had actually fought"

"Make a list of the work that you do and let's see how I can help you" means
"Anyway you have to find a way out no help from me"

"You should have told me earlier" means
"Well even if you told me earlier that would have made hardly any difference!"

"We need to find out the real reason" means
"Well I will tell you where your fault is"

"Well... family is important, your leave is always granted.
Just ensure that the work is not affected" means
"Well you know..."

"We are a team" means
"I am not the only one to be blamed"

"That's actually a good question" means
"I do not know anything about it. Also you dont know this too , "

"All the Best" means
" You are in trouble"

Monday, April 16, 2012

हर पल में खुश रहो


ज़िन्दगी छोटी है हर पल में खुश रहो,
आज पनीर नहीं तो दाल में खुश रहो,
आज दोस्तों का साथ नहीं तो टीवी देख कर खुश रहो,
घर जा नहीं सकते तो फ़ोन करके खुश रहो,
जिसे देख नहीं सकते, उसकी आवाज में खुश रहो,
जिसे पा नहीं सकते उसकी यादों में खुश रहो,
बीता हुआ कल जा चूका है, उसकी मीठी यादों में खुश रहो,
आने वाले पल का पता नहीं तो उसके सपनो में ही खुश रहो,
हँसते हँसते जिंदगी बीत जाएगी, बस हर पल खुश रहो.

Message of Love


Mithun got promotion.. So everyone was congratulating him!!

Mithun: Thank u..
Abhijith: Congrats ra
Mithun: Thanks Bava
Then Indhu came der.
Indhu: hey Mithun :)
Mithun: hi Indhu
Indhu: Congraaaaaats..U got promotion... So when ru going to give the treat..
Mithun: ah..well..sure..sure...Anytime :)!!!
Indhu: good...do u have my number?
Mithun: hey nooo
Indhu: give ur mobile... i ll give a msd call… Save it.
Mithun gave his mobile to Indhu..
Indhu: yess....take it ra..will talk to u later..bye ra
When Indhu left, Mithun’s friend Varun came der…
Varun: Ye ra… You both were exchanging mobiles also!!!! Wats d matter :p ???
Mithun: hehe bava bava.. She gave her number ra… (expressing his happiness)
Varun: Ok Ok… Give party for this also…
--------
At room 10.30 pm

Varun: Wat da.. why ru looking at the mobile sooo nervously?
Mithun: Her number Bava… Am jst thinking wat msg I should send…
mithun typed the message
"hey indhu tis is mithun...."
Varun: Orey Jaffa!!! Wat is dis!!!
Mithun: Kya hua Bava???
Varun: Rey for the past one year u both were sitting side by side in Office.. Why do u fear to Propose?? This is the chance macha..!!
Mithun: Rey Poda.. I have to speak a lot wid her.. I need to share so many personals wid her…
Varun: Just listen macha… It took one year for you to have her number… U have to share personals, propose her, & she should accept.. Good.. Orey Jaffa..!! By that time she will get married..!!
Mithun: Then wat shud I do Mama???
Varun: Jst directly propose her :)
Mithun: Bava… Propose??? Nooooooo…

Varun: Yes Macha… She may accept or reject... It’s better to see the result now itself…Don’t be late.. Just send her I Love You…
Mithun: Rey… Rey…
Varun: Arey listen Mama...
Mithun: Ok ra…
mithun is typing the message…
"I"
Varun: Wat man… Ur hands are shivering… Don’t Worry… Am der naa…!!!!”(Varun began to sing a song teasing Mithun)
Mithun: Hey Mama… Stop those stupid songs.. :(
Varun: Ok Ok… You Continueee :) !!!
mithun continued
"I LOV"
Varun: Rey type fastly
mithun continues..
"I LOVE YOU VARUN"
Varun: Orey Stupid… Idiot… Jaffa… Wats dat typing!!!
Mithun: oooosshh sorry Bava, I was in tension … Now I ll type correctly..
"I LOVE YOU INDHU"
Varun: wait wait
Mithun: Wat???
Varun: Send her the message & keep the mobile aside!!! Lets see the reply tomorrow…
Mithun: Bavaaaaa :( :( :(
Varun: Jaffa!!! If she says No, then you will not let me sleep this night..!! I can’t bear that torture.. So just keep the mobile aside & sleep.. If its negative reply.. Then take lite :)
Mithun: ok ra...
Within few seconds Mithun messaged her, there was a message tone… A reply came to his mobile... But Mithun din’t see the mobile…
mithun: maama we got a reply… Shall we see??
Varun: Hey swith off the light & sleep.. Lets see dat tomorrow!!!
At 12 AM
Mithun: Bava Bava!!!!
Varun: Hey what??? (Wid ltl bit seriousness)
Mithun: mama reply came know… Is der any chance that she accepts???
Varun: yaa der is a chance raa.. :)
Mithun: thanks ra U sleep..
AT 1 AM
Mithun: mama mama…
Varun: Reyyy… Watttt??? Why ru disturbing me like dis???
Mithun: I ll jst see her reply daaa…
Varun: Bava Nooo!!! Then u ll be crying the whole night!!!..Keep quiet & sleep!!!
----
AT 3.AM
Mithun: Reyyy
Varun: Entra.. Why ru killing me like dis??? :( :(
Mithun: Mama Ru sleeping???
Varun: Reyyyyy…Nee Yankamma!!!.. Ur the first one to wake up a person who is sleeping and asking him whether he is sleeping …Rey… Idiot.. Waste Fellow.. Don’t u have concern on me..!! Go & sleep!!! Tomorrow I need to wake up early… :(:(:(
--------

At 4.AM
Mithun: Bava its 4 Am ..This is morning naaaa... Can I read the message???
Varun: rey pls ra :(:(:(
Mithun: I am not getting sleep raa
Varun: Close ur eyes… :@ U ll get sleep…
-----
AT 6 AM
-------
Mithun: mama mama... Its 6 Am

Varun: orey Murgi Chor!!!  If I know that you ll be torturing me like dis, then I wud not told you to see the reply tomorrow.. … Go & Sleep macha… Plzzzz!!!!
Mithun: No I should read that message now…
Varun: shabba Ok.. Go.. GO & See.. (Varun was ltl bit serious)
Mithun opened the message very excitingly & with the same force, he fell down with Shock...
Varun: Rey… Wat happened… Wat happened!!!
Mithun didn’t say a single word….
Varun: He might have died with happiness…. I too should see her reply!!!
Varun saw the message in Mithun’s mobile... Even Varun was shocked… The message was…!!!!
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"YOUR MOBILE BALANCE IS VERY LOW. MESSAGE CANNOT BE DELIVERED"
---------